I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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