Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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