I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
