I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
