I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
