i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
