i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
