Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
