oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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