He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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