My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
