Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
