does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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