seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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