forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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