Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
