Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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