I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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