I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
