If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i was born a porn star she said
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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