Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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