im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
