it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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