i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
