haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
try to milk me bitch
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
