Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
