she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
