i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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