i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
