Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
