The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
