my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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