i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
