Whatcha textin bout Willis?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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