I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
