God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just gift wrapped bread.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
