Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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