He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
How external is "for external use only"?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
