"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Screwed.edu
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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