I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
