I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
