Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
