Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
