I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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