He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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