nut hugger
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
