My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
not ubering you a puppy
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
