nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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