I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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