They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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