Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
