Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
