make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well I just put wine in my tea
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
