Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Who died my cat blue again?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
