I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
